Browsing though some job listings, this one in particular piqued my interest, so I thought I’d write a letter to the company.

Dear California Host,

Hello! I would like to book your services to host a get away training seminar for my staff of 20 in Hawaii!

Please book a 5 star hotel and first class round trip flights — only the best for my folks! Additionally, I’d like to make sure we’ve got after day plans like skiing, snorkeling, a luau, etc. The conference center you arrange must be secure, well situated, and absolutely gorgeous. We’re going to require several projectors, advanced white board systems, sound equipment, and other high end devices to properly run this event, so please have those arranged for as well.

Please also have a trained wait staff, fully stocked bars, and masseuses at the ready as this is going to be an intense session and we’re going to need lots of attention. We expect you’ll have a representative ready to attend to any needs we have while we’re on this trip — just in case anything comes up. We require that your staff has at least 10 years of training and experience and must be deeply familiar with the intricacies and nuances of serving our needs and ready to react at a moments notice.

Also, we’re planning several other small, day trip training sessions for focused groups over the next few weeks and we’d like you to set those up for us as well.

Naturally, this is a project based non-paid internship which is great for our bottom line.

Thanks, can’t wait to hear back!

- Jeff Minard

p.s. Fuck you, assholes.

Un-freaking-believable.